


tHe AvEnGeRs ArE sErIoUs

by metallicsharky



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Everyone Is Gay, Gay, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), M/M, Memes, Not Serious, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, a mess, groupchat, memelords peter and shuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-21 00:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15545148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metallicsharky/pseuds/metallicsharky
Summary: tony gets drunk and makes a group chatthis is pure crackit’s not even well written it’s just crack





	1. Tony Makes a Groupchat

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by ["we should make a gc"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14950671) by [sad_max](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sad_max/pseuds/sad_max). 



> Tony Stank: Tony  
> SpideyMan: Peter  
> Star Spangled Ding Dong: Steve  
> BrUwUce: Bruce  
> goats: Bucky  
> GOD OF THUNDER: Thor  
> Greasy: Loki
> 
> enjoy

Tony Stank: What is up my dudes  
SpideyMan: mr Stark? Are you alright?  
Tony Stank: why yes my boy, never been better actually!  
Stephen Strange: he’s drunk.  
SpideyMan: noted  
SpideyMan: but hi mr dr strange!  
Stephen Strange: hello Peter.  
Tony Stank: hey kid did i ever tell you that Houdini over there is fucking mAGICIAL in bed?  
SpideyMan: i really didn’t need these images oh no  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: what  
Tony Stank: ew deactivate  
SpideyMan: hi mr rogers!  
Tony Stank: don’t talk to the scum Peter  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: Tony we really ought to talk  
[star spangled ding dong has been kicked out of the chat]  
Tony Stank: taking out the trash  
SpideyMan: mr Stark... Did you just finger gun with emojis?  
SpideyMan: mr dr Strange please help him  
Stephen Strange: i’ve taken his phone and i’m putting him to sleep now.  
SpideyMan: oh god this feels like some sort of dream...  
BrUwUce: hi!  
SpideyMan: hi mr Banner!  
BrUwUce: hello Peter, is Tony alright?  
SpideyMan: i think he’s just...  
Stephen Strange: drunk.  
SpideyMan: yeah that  
goats: what the fuck  
SpideyMan: hi mr white wolf winter soldier!  
goats: Bucky  
SpideyMan: sorry... Hi mr bucky white wolf winter soldier!  
goats: no-  
goats: as in just call me Bucky kid, none of that winter soldier white wolf stuff  
SpideyMan: sorry mr Bucky!  
Queen of Wakanda: it is wednesday my dudes  
SpideyMan: aaaaAAAAAAAAAAA  
goats: what  
Stephen Strange: excuse me?  
SpideyMan: me and Shuri have this thing where if someone starts quoting a vine then the other h a s to finish it no matter what  
Queen of Wakanda: it’s the only thing that keeps me going  
SpideyMan: god i hate myself  
Queen of Wakanda: wow same  
BrUwUce: do you guys need a therapist  
Stephen Strange: i’ll talk to Tony about that when he’s sober  
SpideyMan: it’s just our humour hdhdjejrbrb  
Stephen Strange: did you have a seizure?  
Queen of Wakanda: no dr Strange, that’s called a keyboard smash a common feature among gen Z gays  
SpideyMan: SHURI  
Stephen Strange: Peter?  
SpideyMan: sksksksk i’m not gay  
BrUwUce: speaking of gay i’m trying to teach Thor to use a phone  
SpideyMan: why is that speaking of gay-  
GOD OF THUNDER: ME AND BRUCE ARE DATING  
SpideyMan: mr Thor you’re in caps lock  
GOD OF THUNDER: OH YEs you’re right my bad  
GOD OF THUNDER: but yes me and Bruce seem to share similar affections for each other !  
SpideyMan: aw! that’s so cute i’m so happy for you mr Bruce and mr Thor  
GOD OF THUNDER: Stephen Strange?  
Stephen Strange: hello?  
GOD OF THUNDER: infinite beer wizard!!!  
Stephen Strange: yes and where is that brother of yours?  
Greasy: right here dear Strange Stephen Strange: killed anyone as of late?  
Greasy: define killed  
SpideyMan: hi mr Loki!!  
Greasy: spiderling, hello  
Stephen Strange: Peter what did i tell you about talking to Loki  
SpideyMan: you told me not too... i’m sorry dad  
SpideyMan: MR DR STRANGE IM SORRY MR DR STRANGE  
Greasy: ohmygod  
Greasy: also brother, my congratulations on wooing Banner, you’ve been pining over him for years now  
BrUwUce: huh?  
GOD OF THUNDER: Loki! dear sibling i haven’t seen you in so long! you should come and visit!  
Greasy: if i’m not dying then of course dear brother  
GOD OF THUNDER: Loki if you die again i’m not attending your funeral  
SpideyMan: uh guys? it’s pretty late so i’m gonna go to bed!  
GOD OF THUNDER: good night young one!  
BrUwUce: g’night Peter!  
Stephen Strange: goodnight Peter  
Greasy: goodnight spiderling  
goats: night kid  
SpideyMan: goodnight guys!!  
[goats has added star spangled ding dong to the chat]


	2. steve and loki have a kink off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> y’all liked part 1 so here we go!  
> same names as last time  
> nothing is said in detail but this chapter talks about sex quite a bit

Star Spangled Ding Dong: Tony please i just want to talk  
Tony Stank: sorry what? i cant hear you  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: Tony we’re texting  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: Tony?  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: Tony i swear to god did you just block me  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: he blocked me  
BrUwUce: don’t worry Steve, i’m sure he’ll get over it eventually  
Tony Stank: is he talking about me? i cant see what he’s saying  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: i’m gonna go for a run, see you guys later  
BrUwUce: ok bye Steve!  
[Tony Stank has blacklisted the word Steve]  
BrUwUce: Tony you cant just block him forever  
Tony Stank: watch me  
BrUwUce: Tony...  
Tony Stank: where’s Stephen i need some hot wizard ass right about now  
Stephen Strange: excuse me?   
Tony Stank: hey Houdini get on private chat   
Stephen Strange: i don’t really have much of a choice do i?  
Tony Stank: nope   
BrUwUce: oh my god please don’t forget that i’m staying in literally the room next to you two—  
GOD OF THUNDER: Bruce!! you should come and spend the night with me and Loki!!  
Greasy: and make me suffer through the incredibly loud sex you two have? no thanks  
SpideyMan: big dick energy  
Greasy: beg your pardon?  
SpideyMan: Mr Thor has big dick energy  
GOD OF THUNDER:   
Greasy:   
BrUwUce: not just energy  
GOD OF THUNDER: BRUCE  
BrUwUce: UwU  
SpideyMan: no UwU culture please  
Greasy: what is an UwU  
BrUwUce: oh Loki  
Greasy: what,,, OwO  
SpideyMan: I SHRIEKED   
BrUwUce: oh my dear sweet baby jesus  
Greasy: i win  
GOD OF THUNDER: brother i don’t understand  
Greasy: you don’t understand most things  
SpideyMan: D E S T R O Y E D  
Greasy: what the fuck  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: LANGUAGE  
Greasy: where the fuCK DID YOU COME FROM  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: you said a bad word  
Greasy: yes i did  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: put a dollar in the swear jar  
Greasy: what the fuck is a swear jar   
Star Spangled Ding Dong: when you guys say a naughty word, you have to put a dollar into the swear jar  
Greasy: ***** i don’t even live with you  
Greasy: why is your name censored   
BrUwUce: Tony blacklisted it  
BrUwUce: Thor, Loki can i come over to you guys because Tony and Stephen are having incredibly loud sex and i feel uncomfortable   
Greasy: if you show up with a boner i’m kicking you out  
BrUwUce: what the fuck is he doing to Tony that poor man  
Greasy: i’m bored  
GOD OF THUNDER: yes me too  
goats: ditto   
Star Spangled Ding Dong: same  
BrUwUce: i’m uncomfortable   
Greasy: let’s play a game  
BrUwUce: no one’s dying   
Greasy: i was just going to suggest never have i ever  
BrUwUce: oh ok, harmless enough!  
GOD OF THUNDER: i’ll go first!!   
GOD OF THUNDER: never have i ever tried to take over new york  
Greasy: y’know what fuck you  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: LANGUAGE  
Greasy: never have i ever had a long-term boyfriend   
BrUwUce: loki that’s sad  
GOD OF THUNDER: what about the grandmaster?  
Greasy: ah  
goats: ???  
BrUwUce: Loki’s sugar daddy from space   
Greasy: he was not my sugar daddy  
BrUwUce: you guys literally fucked in the room next to door to me  
Greasy: OK ENOUGH MOVING ON  
goats: never have i ever had a dick up my ass  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: oh  
BrUwUce: wow way to call out the subs of the group  
BrUwUce: wait STEVE?  
goats: do you really think this man is a top? he can’t even say fuck!   
goats: also he has a top quality ass, god it’s incredible when he rides me  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: BUCKY  
goats: whoops  
BrUwUce: ok uh never have i ever taken someone home on the first date  
Greasy: does the grandmaster count?   
GOD OF THUNDER: did you go home with him on the first date?  
Greasy: ok fine  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: well technically he brought me home  
goats: wow ok, this wasn’t even me  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: never have i ever said a bad word  
GOD OF THUNDER: i don’t believe i have!  
Greasy: the two purest people i’ve ever met  
Greasy: disgusting   
Greasy: never have i ever used a condom  
BrUwUce: welp  
GOD OF THUNDER: Loki if your pregnant with another horse  
goats: i’m sorry what  
Greasy: it’s a long story  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: i don’t remember using protection ever...  
BrUwUce: STEVE OHMYGOD  
BrUwUce: i feel like this is gonna end up seeing who’s done kinkier between loki and steve  
goats: time for a kink off  
BrUwUce: never have i ever had a fist up my ass  
Greasy: a highlight honestly   
Star Spangled Ding Dong: yep  
goats: never have i ever been fully restrained  
Greasy: that was fun  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: little tricky to move but yeah  
goats: never have i ever done it in public   
Greasy: the grandmaster made me blow him in the arena while watching people fight   
Star Spangled Ding Dong: i almost got caught...  
BrUwUce: sksksksk ok never have i everrrr bought a dragon dildo  
Greasy: pretty easy once you get used to it  
GOD OF THUNDER: i don’t need the images that i’m getting from this  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: well it was a gift...  
goats: god that was hot  
SpideyMan: what’s a dragon dildo?  
BrUwUce: OHMYGOD PETER  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: JDHBTBTNDJS  
goats: UH NOTHING  
GOD OF THUNDER: ITS A DRAGON,,,, TOY  
Greasy: Thor stop talking before you corrupt him  
SpideyMan: i don’t understand,,,  
Greasy: it’s a fucking gigantic dildo  
SpideyMan:... like the one mr Stark has?  
Greasy: SJDNDNRBRJEJEJEBDB  
BrUwUce: IM SORRY WHAT  
SpideyMan: i was looking for a part to finish the computer i’m building and i accidentally saw mr Stark,,, with that,,,  
BrUwUce: poor child  
SpideyMan: he doesn’t know i saw him though,,,  
Tony Stank: peter w h a t  
SpideyMan: oh hello mr Stark!  
Tony Stank: come to my office,,,  
SpideyMan: ok!!!  
Tony Stank: and Steve?  
Star Spangled Ding Dong: yes Tony?  
Tony Stank: fuck off


End file.
